PSI Annual Journal 2005-6

Dr. Harvey Cox once wrote a book entitled FEAST FOR FOOLS in which he talked about an ancient Christian tradition of a yearly celebration of fun and festivity in the Church, a chance to make a fool of oneself along with everyone else and to enjoy it. It was the one chance the people had to laugh in church and they made the most of it. The rest of the time it was serious business.

Erma Bombeck relates an incident about being in church one Sunday. She was intent on watching "a small child who was turning around smiling at everyone." She reports that...
...he wasn't gurgling, spitting, humming, kicking, tearing the hymnal,
or rummaging through his mother's handbag. He was just smiling.
Finally, his mother jerked him about and in a stage whisper that could
be heard in a little theater off Broadway, said, "Stop that grinning!
You're in church!" With that she gave him a belt on his hindside, and
as the tears rolled down his cheeks she added, "That's better," and
returned to her prayers.
Erma Bombeck continues:
Suddenly I was angry. I wanted to grab this child with the tear stained
face close to me and tell him about God. The happy God. The smiling
God. The God who had to have a sense of humor to have created the likes
of us....I wanted to tell the child I've taken a few lumps in my time
for daring to smile at religion....What a fool, I thought. Here was a
woman sitting next to the only light left in our civilization, the only
hope, our only miracle, our only promise of infinity. If a child
couldn't smile in church, where was there left to go?

The answer to her question ought to be, a Unitarian Universalist church, that's where! We need to create the kind of religious and spiritual climate in our churches where we have the freedom to smile and laugh at ourselves, as well as to be serious about real issues and ethical dilemmas, and to be able to do both in the same service, and not just once a year. A young mother and her 7 year old son spent many Sundays visiting different churches. They were not very pleased with any of them. But when they visited the First Unitarian Church of Detroit, all the boy could say for a week afterwards was, "Can we go back to the church where people laugh?" That's what I'd like you to do with me this morning, to take a few minutes to laugh at ourselves and to do it in church. The late Norman Cousins, who once cured himself from a terminal illness with Vitamin C and laughter said that laughter was "a form of internal jogging." He proved to himself that "he who laughs, lasts." Or as it says in the Book of Proverbs, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine." And so this morning I invite you to "jest for the health of it," to engage in some holy laughter to make one whole.

I begin with a story about a man who died and went to heaven and St. Peter was showing him around. They passed by a big room and inside were a bunch of people at a banquet feasting on delicious meats and other food. "Who are those people?" asked the man. St. Peter said, "Oh, those are the Catholics. They always had to fast on Friday and during Lent so they get to make up for it here." They came to another room in which people were drinking wine and beer and hard liquor. They were reeling from it and also were dancing wildly the more intoxicated they got. "Who are those people?" asked the man again. "Those are the Baptists", said St. Peter. "They couldn't drink or dance on earth, so they get to make up for it here." Finally, they came to a third room and looked in, and there was the saddest-looking group of people you ever saw. They were all moping around with long faces and looking terribly depressed. "And who are they?" the man asked. St. Peter said, "Oh, those are the Unitarian Universalists. They've already done it
all."

I don't know if it's true that we've done it all, but recent studies seem to indicate that UUs as a whole are happier than those in other denominations. I hope it's because we do more internal jogging in church.

UUs like to take pride in the fact that their ministers are educated and preach intellectually stimulating sermons. Not everyone looks at it that way as one Unitarian Universalist layman learned who was much impressed with the new minister they had just called and could hardly wait to tell his skeptical Maine farmer neighbor about him. "He's got a B.S., an M.S., and a Ph.D.," he told him proudly. "Well, I'm not much on these educated preachers," the farmer said. "We all know what B.S. stands for. M.S. mean 'More of the same' and Ph.D. means 'Piled higher and deeper.'"

Every minister, educated or not, has the experience of saying the wrong thing from the pulpit like the preacher who was waxing eloquent at the funeral of a departed church member. He concluded his peroration by pointing at the coffin and saying, "What we have here is just the shell. The nut has gone on."

Every minister fears putting his or her congregation to sleep with a boring sermon. The absolute worst happened to a minister who noticed a man get up in the middle of his sermon and walk out. After church, his embarrassed wife expressed her apologies to the minister, and said, "I hope you don't think he disagreed with what you said. He just has a tendency to walk in his sleep." It's probably true that if all the people who sleep in church were laid end to end they'd be more comfortable.

Sometimes you get strange requests as a UU minister. A woman once called on the Unitarian minister in town and asked if he would perform a funeral for her dog who had just died. It being a busy week and all, and his not wanting to take on another task, the minister begged off by saying, "I don't usually do funerals for non-church members. Why don't you try the Congregational minister down the street." She answered, "All right, but could you give me some advice. How much should I pay him--three hundred or five hundred dollars?" The minister suddenly perked up and said, "Hold on, I didn't know your dog was a Unitarian."

Trying to keep up with pastoral calls is always a challenge in the ministry. A new young minister was calling on the elderly shut-ins of his parish. His first call was to Aunt Sally, who was quite old and in a nursing home. He was somewhat nervous, and he kept eating peanuts from a bowl beside her bed. When he got up to leave, he noticed that he'd eaten all of the peanuts. He apologized and said, "I'm so sorry. I ate up all of your peanuts." "Oh, that's all right," replied Aunt Sally. "I already gummed all of the chocolate off of 'em anyhow."

We are approaching our Every Member and Friends Canvass a month from now. We ministers hope that our congregants will pledge generously and will do their utmost to fulfill their pledges. An agent of the Internal Revenue Service called the minister of a church and said, "One of your church members has put down on his tax return that he had made a contribution of $5,000 to your church. Is that true?" The minister thought a minute and then replied, "Well, if he didn't, he will."

It's difficult sometimes for ministers to know when they have outworn their welcome whether after 3 years or 25. One church found a way to take care of the problem with the following chain letter which said, "Dear friends, if you are tired of your minister, send a copy of this letter to seven other churches who are probably tired of their ministers. Then ship your minister to the church at the top of the list. Add the name of your church to the bottom. In 30 days you will receive 2,178 ministers, out of which you ought to be able to choose a dandy one to suit you. Warning! One church broke the chain and got their old minister back!"

Did you hear about the radio preacher who told his listening audience, "Do you want to learn what hell is? Tune in next week. We'll be featuring our organist." Here's one on the other side. A mother and her son went to visit a UU church one Sunday morning. On their way home the mother asked her son what he thought of the service. "Well, I liked the music," he said, "but I thought the commercial was too long."

It's no secret that many UUs have a hard time with prayer and traditional theological language. One man hedged his bets with the following prayer: "Dear God, if there is a God, if you can, save my soul, if I have a soul." And a lot of UUs have difficulty reciting the Lord's Prayer, some because they don't know it, others because they're not sure they believe it. One day two UUs were having a discussion about whether they could or should say the prayer. One challenged the other, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't even recite it." Each of them slammed down a fiver on the table. The other then said, "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the
Lord my soul to take." And the challenger said, "Oh, all right, you win." What is sad, is that there are some UUs who don't get that joke.

The clergy in other denominations have a hard time figuring us out. One time at an ecumenical service the Methodist preacher said, "Let us pray. And for you Unitarians, do whatever it is you do."

Speaking of the Methodists, a Unitarian Universalist died in a town that had no UU church and her family asked the Methodist pastor if he would perform the graveside service. Being unsure about the request he decided to contact the Bishop to get permission. The Bishop's answer came back: "Permission granted. Bury all the Unitarian Universalists you can!"

Well, we try to teach our young people to be tolerant and accepting of other faiths. And so sometimes we encourage them to visit other churches with their church school class. After attending a Lutheran service one Sunday one of the young people was asked how she like the service. "It was pretty neat," she said, "except the Lutherans took all our hymns and changed the words!" How often have I heard it the other way around from those who come to us from other traditions.

A UU Sunday school class was discussing the question of God. "He lives in the bathroom at our house," said one of the children. "How do you know that?" asked the teacher. "Because every morning my dad stands outside the bathroom door and shouts, 'My God, are you still in there?'" So, watch what you say in front of your children.

Definition of a small Unitarian Universalist--a puny Uni.

A young bride-to-be went into a fabric store and asked for 50 yards of chiffon for a nightgown. The surprised clerk asked why she needed so much material. She explained, "Well, my fiance is a Unitarian Universalist. He would rather seek than find." That's not true of all of us. Some of us still believe that if you ask you shall receive. Of course, that all depends on who you're married to.

People often make jokes of the fact that our Unitarian heritage had roots in Transylvania where Dracula once lived. There's a story about a renowned archaeologist, Dr. Isaac Eaglebald, who was digging in Transylvania. He unearthed a coffin. When he opened it he saw a hideous vampire who lunged at him, screaming, "Ng-ng-ng-ng!" Quickly Dr. Eaglebald made a cross with his fingers and held it up. "Vile creature of the night," he proclaimed, "You have no power over me." The ghoulish fiend leered and hissed, "That doesn't work on me, I'm a Unitarian." Actually, Dracula, or Vlad Dracul, was a Catholic, but don't let that prejudice you against Catholics.

All religions have their rites and rituals. Catholics cross themselves; Jews wear a yarmulke on their heads; Muslims bow to Mecca; UUs scratch their heads.

How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They believe it must change by itself. Actually, it takes over twenty, ten of whom must be women, two African-American, one Asian, three ministers, one Canadian, one youth, two elderly, two gay or lesbian, one Christian, one humanist, one disabled, one UUA board member, and no more than three from any one district. That's the politically correct way to change a light bulb.

Unitarian Universalists used to believe in the fatherhood of God, the brotherhood of man, and the neighborhood of Boston. Now we believe in the motherhood of the Goddess, the sisterhood of woman, and Mr. Roger's neighborhood. We've come a long way.

If all this seems silly then be aware that the word silly derives from the word seleg meaning blessing. And so I close this silly sermon with this silly blessing.

Jest for the health of it. A ho-ho-holistic view of holy laughter to make one whole. He or she who laughs, lasts and lasts. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. May this medicine of mirth heal your soul so that, in the words of the Psalmist, "our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy." And may this church ever be a place where you can share unashamedly both your laughter and your tears and never question whether one is any less important than the other.

Prayer:
Teach us to laugh, O God. Laugh at us and with us. Let the medicine of thy mirth
heal while it stings. Dispel the humidity of our self-concern. When our thoughts
grow tiresome, teach us to laugh with thee, until we shatter the tinkling goblets
of our ego and pride. Amen. (Author Unknown)

RESPONSIVE READING: “Laughing At Ourselves”

Unitarian Universalism is society's way of indentifying and segregating a benign form of contagious insanity.
IF YOU'RE A UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST THE BIGOTS WILL COME AND BURN A QUESTION MARK ON YOUR FRONT LAWN.
A Unitarian Universalist approaches every situation with an open mouth.
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISTS, GENERALLY SPEAKING, ARE GENERALLY SPEAKING.
When UUs pray they address their prayers "To Whom It May Concern."
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALISM IS A RELIGION WITH NO INVISIBLE MEANS OF SUPPORT.
Adlai Stevenson said, Unitarians believe in, at the most, one God.
ROBERT FROST REPLIED, THE KIND OF UNITARIAN WHO, HAVING GOT FROM MANY GODS TO THREE, AND THREE TO ONE, THINKS WHY NOT TAPER OFF TO NONE AT ALL.
UUs are not so much interested in getting people into heaven as they are in getting heaven into people.
UUs WOULD RATHER GO TO A DISCUSSION ABOUT HEAVEN THAN TO HEAVEN ITSELF.
Muslims read the Koran, Christians study the Bible, Unitarian Universalists refer to Robert's Rules Of Order.
UUs ACCEPT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THEY CAN BE AMMENDED AT THE NEXT ANNUAL MEETING.
Universalists believe God is too good to damn them forever.
UNITARIANS BELIEVE THEY ARE TOO GOOD TO BE DAMNED FOREVER.
Unitarian Universalism--a featherbed for falling Christians, a haven for heretics, a shelter for skeptics--
NOT A CHOSEN PEOPLE, BUT A CHOOSING PEOPLE. WE CURB OUR DOGMA.

PSI Symposium Annual Journal 2005-6